Announcement: Seeking a Best Friend


Position Title: Best Friend Extraordinaire

Job Overview: Seeking a dynamic and reliable individual to fill the vital role of Best Friend. This position will require an exceptional blend of camaraderie, shared interests, and impeccable listening skills.

Required Qualifications:

  • Comfortable with Silence: Must possess the rare ability to embrace and thrive in moments of peaceful quiet.
  • Relocation Expert: Will not make a move unless I move first, and then must be willing to relocate alongside me.
  • Loyalty Champion: Demonstrates unwavering loyalty and commitment to the friendship, even in the face of life's twists and turns.
  • Canine Enthusiast: Must have a genuine love for dogs, complete with a willingness to engage in doggie playdates and treat-sharing.
  • Shopaholic Ally: Possesses an inherent love for shopping and is open to embarking on retail therapy escapades.
  • Spontaneous Host: Can accommodate last-minute drop-ins for impromptu hangouts, heart-to-heart conversations, and midnight snack attacks.
  • Initiative Taker: Always extends invitations for various outings, ensuring the friendship is a two-way street.
  • Commitment Keeper: Never cancels plans, understanding the importance of reliability in fostering a strong bond.
  • Embraces the Unpredictable: Must be unfazed by my tendency to engage in spontaneous and nonsensical adventures.

Desired Qualifications:

  • Double Date Dynamo: Ideally, their significant other meshes seamlessly with mine, enhancing our group outings.
  • Wanderlust Wanderer: Enjoys traveling and is open to exploring new destinations, creating unforgettable memories together.
  • Community Enthusiast: Finds joy in attending and participating in seemingly "lame" community events, turning them into enjoyable experiences.

Application Process:

  • Submit a compelling cover letter detailing your qualifications for the role and why you're the ideal candidate.
  • Include a list of your top three beverages of choice as well as your binge-watching preferences
  • Highlight any previous experience in creating unforgettable memories and being an all-around awesome human

Interview Process:

  • Selected candidates will be invited for a hangout session, during which a compatibility assessment will be conducted.
  • Potential challenges, such as navigating a tricky board game or successfully assembling IKEA furniture, may be included.
  • Personality quizzes, such as "Which fictional duo best represents our potential friendship?" will be administered.

Benefits Package:

  • Access to an exclusive emotional support hotline, available 24/7.
  • Generous rewards in the form of laughter, shared memories, and heartfelt conversations
  • VIP treatment, which includes encouragement, honesty, and a front-row seat to witnessing my remarkable wit and charm.


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